Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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