Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
