i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
