Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
