Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
