I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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