I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
