Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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