So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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