If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
