tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
