If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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