i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
