five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
