Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
