i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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