i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
