I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
