I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
