First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
