we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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