Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
