Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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