Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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