I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
