I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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