Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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