I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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