My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
