There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
