Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
