And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
