Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
