I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
