I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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