She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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