Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
