hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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