my vag is so smooth its legendary
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
