Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
