I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
