she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry about my life...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize