I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
