If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
