Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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