The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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