why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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