he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
