I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
