Ambien. No doubt about it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
