jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
