I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
