1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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