Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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