my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
