I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
