I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
