I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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