Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think my moral compass just broke
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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