It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
