my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
