I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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