No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
