I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
